I Believe God Is Teaching Me To Learn How To Soften My Heart

Justin Schrenk has just come back from South Africa, where he served on the HWW Singles Corps. It is so heartwarming to see young men share the compassionate heart of God!

Serving the poor internationally through HOPE worldwide has quickly become a major highlight in my 8.5 years since becoming a Christian. It is a program I have come to believe in, as I have seen the impact firsthand in Guatemala, Nepal, and most recently, South Africa. HOPE worldwide is truly shining as a light in these communities. It is bringing more than just financial means. They are bringing full hearts and faces the community has learned to love and trust.

Speaking to men at the South African Conference was also a gift. Little did I know signing up last minute, I would have so much responsibility. It appears as if God had this planned all along, and I was playing catch up.

As amazing as it all was, I struggled emotionally with the home visits the most. Walking into a metal shack, seeing a mother of four holding a one week year old baby, seeing hundreds of flies landing on the kids, the mother, and me, rocked my world. I listened as she talked about how unsafe her life was, and how she worries daily that her oldest may get raped. I literally didn't know how to react. All I kept saying to myself was stop worrying about the flies landing on you, don't look privileged, don't look American. Try to understand what a day would look like here.

I found my heart actually numbing out. I wanted to run. To not see this. To pretend it wasn't real. How do we as people allow these circumstances to exist? Why do they exist? I found myself flooded with thoughts I didn't want to keep asking or research. I left that day feeling defeated and helpless, and not even knowing that is what I was feeling or how to express it.

I believe God is teaching me to learn how to soften my heart. The only way to do that is to keep going back in to those uncomfortable situations. I am capable of compassion for sure, but to truly feel as compassionate as Jesus did, day in and day out, is extremely challenging and daunting. To drop everything and help someone is not a strength of mine, as I am a selfish person. I wake up thinking about me, and I fall asleep thinking about me.

I am however, inspired by men such as Marc Aguirre and Mark Ottenweller who have embraced this challenge and dedicated their lives to helping the poor. I pray I can grow to have a heart like theirs, and ultimately a heart like Jesus. You can most certainly bet you will see my name signed up for another HOPE worldwide service trip in the future as I truly need these experiences to stay faithful: to continue to let God refine me into the man I am supposed to become.